Notion of You

I have you.
Well, I'd like to think
that I have you.
But that taste of notalgia
still remains on the tip of my tongue.
Am I fool to pretend
that I am walking with you?
No, I'd like to think that you're here.
You see, I am struggling
to be what you want me to be.
I am struggling
to be what they want me to be.
Their voices are loud
in my head.
They scream of infidelities
and they scream of righteousness
while my dreams are caught in the middle
of it all.
I know that I cannot fathom your wrath,
nor can I accept the idea of
following the path they've taken.
It is for this I must march on.
If I am a soldier then I feel blessed
and if I am a sinner then I feel condemned
because their screams won't let
me be.
Their notion of you
is polluted with hyprocrisy
and they disguise their faces
with the writings of your holiness.
But what about the people I know of?
What about their beliefs
and their humble prayers?
In my sleeplessness I beg for their welfare
and in my sleeplessness I reject them.
So tell me, what bad is in the good I feel?
And would I ever sleep?
Yes, I do think of you
and when I I think of you
I forget all else.

23rd October 2010